Grow Your Power: Conquering the Pleaser Saboteur
Welcome to the "Grow Your Power" blog post series! I’m excited to introduce this series where we dive deep into understanding and conquering the saboteurs that are holding you back and hindering your personal and professional growth.
In this first post of the series, inspired by Shirzad Chamine's groundbreaking work on Positive Intelligence, we explore the "Pleaser" saboteur, a common barrier that many high-achieving individuals grapple with. By shedding light on this inner obstacle, we aim to equip you with the knowledge and tools, rooted in science-backed research, to overcome it, unlock your full potential, and thrive in all areas of your life.
Understanding the Pleaser Saboteur
Picture this: You are a high-achieving, ambitious professional, dedicated to helping others and accomplishing great things. However, your desire to please others often overshadows your own needs and aspirations. If this resonates with you, you may be wrestling with the Pleaser saboteur.
The Pleaser saboteur comes from the noble intention to create harmony and maintain strong relationships with those around us. While these qualities are indeed commendable, the Pleaser saboteur takes them to an extreme, causing us to compromise our own well-being, authenticity, and personal boundaries. It becomes a silent force that erodes our self-confidence and stifles our true potential. And what else? Although you think it’s helping your relationships, it’s actually doing the opposite!
Recognizing the Pleaser’s Influence
To overcome any saboteur, including the Pleaser, reflection and self-awareness is key. Here are a few questions to help you understand the impact of the Pleaser saboteur in your life:
Do you often find yourself saying "yes" when you really want to say "no"?
Do you fear disappointing others or being seen as selfish?
Do you often prioritize others' needs over your own, neglecting self-care?
Do you feel drained or resentful after constantly accommodating others?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, it's likely that the Pleaser saboteur is showing up for you on the regular.
The Positive Intelligence work from Shirzad Chamine, based on extensive research in fields such as neuroscience and positive psychology, offers a powerful framework to identify and conquer these inner obstacles. You can find out what your top saboteurs are by taking this free online Saboteurs Assessment. This assessment provides valuable insights into your saboteur tendencies, including the strength of the Pleaser saboteur within you.
Overcoming the Pleaser Sabotuer
Conquering the Pleaser saboteur is a gradual process that requires self-compassion, determination, and a commitment to personal growth. Here are a few strategies to help you get started:
Increase self-awareness: Begin by observing your own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Pay attention to the times when you automatically default to pleasing others instead of honoring your own needs. Start noticing what makes you feel frustrated or resentful.
Identify your values and boundaries: Clearly define your core values and establish personal boundaries aligned with them. Understand that setting boundaries is not selfish; it's a way to protect your well-being and maintain healthy relationships.
Practice assertiveness: Learn to communicate your needs, preferences, and limits in a respectful yet firm manner. Practice the art of saying "no" when necessary, without feeling guilty or anxious.
Prioritize self-care: Dedicate time and energy to self-care activities that recharge and rejuvenate you. Remember, taking care of yourself enables you to show up as your best self and improves your productivity and strengthen your relationships.
Seek support: Surround yourself with a supportive network of individuals who encourage your personal growth journey. Consider enrolling in the Repowered Leadership Academy, a five-month group coaching program that helps you to overcome your saboteurs and lead yourself and others with more confidence and ease.
The Pleaser saboteur may have held you back from reaching your true potential for far too long. However, with more self-awareness, intentional actions, and a commitment to your growth, you can break free from its grip, grow your power, and propel faster towards your goals.
